Out The Door She Went

Out The Door She Went

Life is not about acquiring things, or being somebody great that everyone looks up to — It’s about finding yourself. It’s about getting to know who you are and falling in love with that person that you become.

This was the message that resonated with me this morning. These past few days, I was blessed to have someone enter my life who helped me feel from the inside again. It’s so The Universe at work.

I had asked a couple of weeks ago: Would I feel love again? Would I feel that connection again? And right there, at the place where I worked Angel stood. Love caught my attention. The emotion wasn’t a sun imploding on itself or the birth of a solar system, but rather the morning crisp air you breathe in when there is still dew hanging from grass’s tips. It was a gentle manifestation.

Love helped me open my heart and soul once again. I have been walking about my daily routine in pursuit of personal happiness. Working to gain my inner peace, to gain solid footing and joy from within.  Years of associating happiness and love with something and or someone outside of myself has made it a process to find all of that in the world inside me. For several weeks I was doubting I would feel that spark with someone after feeling numb to an earlier romantic relationship. The Universe wouldn’t have it. God answered.

In the past couple of weeks, my heart opened to an experience I had not felt in a very long time — since falling in love many times over with my former partner-in-life. In the flesh, the emotion is like the high you experience, a second after the rollercoaster drops from the highest peak. Intense yet exhilarating! Having been searching for a connection online, I had forgotten what it felt like to develop that connection in the physical.

I had started to doubt I would feel again. I believed, however, that it would take a special soul to unlock the door and chase the numbness away. True to that belief, The Universe delivered, and here’s the kicker; that interaction, that lone-dance, that experience, may only serve to answer that one question — will I feel that spark again?

As surely as I started to feel it, out the door she went. After her training, she happily left and didn’t even ask for my number. Leaving only the song and dance we played on our shifts together. I had to ask her, which I wasn’t going to do.

My first human reaction was to feel disappointed, abandoned, and rejected. Hours of wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done better ensued for the rest of the day and into the night. Leaving me a mindful of thoughts that kept me up ’til two o’clock in the morning.

Her last day I interpreted as a disappointment compared to the previous day when she showed up with her crew unexpectedly at work. That day I saw the sun come up high, the sky so clear and blue and the stars twinkled so bright that night. Smiles exchanged between us and the interaction playful and almost whimsical. Working together in unison, supporting each other to complete the tasks at hand; we were in synchronicity.

I paint this picture to set the contrast because on her last day there was no dance.  The energy, the spark, was flaky at best. There was something missing, a disconnect. Maybe it was her way of letting me down easy, gently knowing that was the end of that chapter. Endings are never easy when you lose focus on the new beginning ahead.

All of this a reminder of the task at hand and an answer to a universal question: Will I feel a connection again? Will I fall in love with another soul again? The answer is “Yes! You WILL! That was practice. What did you learn?” Eternal happiness and love come from within not from someone or something.

I was working on happiness within and I let that slip when she walked into my life. I, we, have to master self-love and practice manifesting happiness from being with ourselves. It is in the pursuit of that which makes us significant — It is in the giving of our higher self, the best version of ourselves, that we feel significant. It is in the self-mastery of our natural gifts that prepares us to give in order to feel significant. When we feel significant we feel loved. It is in the process of learning about ourselves that we find what makes us feel significant.  It’s about finding yourself. It’s about getting to know who you are and falling in love with that person that you become. All the other things are just the product of discovering who you are. 

So, here I am on this journey continuing to discover myself; becoming a better version of myself, and helping others get up when they have fallen down — helping others be a better version of themselves too. That’s my significance. That’s my gift. That’s my journey, my path…

One Reply to “Out The Door She Went”

  1. Wonderful and amazing, sharing your life experience story spiritual soul path as you continue your life class journey,finding God self within loving and forgiving thyself is excellent start for knowing that your new future life class journey is very well needed only your humble honesty compassion to inspire what will make loving life to happiness.Good Luck and God universe be with you in your new future life journey.

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